Wednesday October 21, 2009

I am not writing as often as I planned.  I seem to be walking around in a fog a lot.  I have been really good about getting up and exercising, then the day seems to get lost.  I sleep a lot.  Probably too much, but that may be better than not sleeping.  Today I was up from 4 to 6 then back down from 6 to 9 then back down from 4 to 6.  I never feel really sleepy, just not able to motivate myself to do much of anything else.  I went for my first appointment with a clinical psychologist.  Don't really have an opinion yet, except it is a positive move.  It was hard to go, I almost blew it off a couple of times.  But thanks to Don he got me there and home to bed.

Why is this so hard?  I think because I am afriad.  What if I go to see this psychologist and I don't get any better?  What if I am doomed to be unhappy?  What if this is as good as it gets?  Why do I expect so much more?  I have little hope.  Hope is a rare thing for me.  I can't even escape into a TV show.  Don is watching football.  I hate football.  I think I will go to bed.